Moma.....She took the weeds with the flowers!

My heart has been heavier than normal recently.  I have been thinking of my mom quite a bit these last few weeks.  It has been a little over two years since she passed away from a brain tumor.  She was so vibrant and active and her death came so suddenly.  She was diagnosed in April 2009, had the tumor removed and in five months it had returned and she died.  This has been the hardest time in my entire life.  I lost my dad almost 9 years ago and that was difficult but my children were small and having them to take care of distracted me in a way from the daily loss.  My children are older now and are past the point of needing me on a daily basis...that's sad in itself but so proud they are becoming responsible young adults, that's what we strive for as parents, but I have too much free time to reflect on the loss of my mom.
I was able to stay with my mom quite a bit the last five months of her life, we kept her at home and did chemo and radiation several times a week.  The daily activities kept me busy along with my siblings tending to her daily needs.  When the tumor returned we knew our time with her was limited.  I never thought I would ever experience something so devastating in my life.  I know we are all going to die but knowing it is approaching quickly and not being able to do anything about it other than sit and watch it happen is such a helpless feeling.  My mom was so brave, she was slowly losing her ability to do the daily things like eat and walk alone but the most devastating lose to me was her voice.  The tumor was attacking her brain area which controls speech.  The thought of never hearing my mom call my name or have a conversation with her made my heart so sad.   She adapted and started communicating with her facial expressions and boy did she have some funny expressions.  Her sense of humor was evident even without saying a word!
I came across this poem today that expressed just how I feel about her each day.  I know she is with God and we will meet again but my heart hurts each day without her.  She was not only my mom but my best friend!
This poem is for her...LOVE YOU MOMA!


you can shed tears that she is gone 
or you can smile because she has lived. 
you can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back               
or you can open your eyes and see all she's left. 
your heart can be empty because you can't see her

or you can be full of the love that you shared. 

you can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday                                                           

or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

you can remember her and only that she's gone 

or you can cherish her memory and let it live on. 

you can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back 

or you can do what she'd want;

smile, open your eyes, love and go on.   

                                                                          -David Harkins-

You never get too old to need your MOM.  

She always took the weeds with the flowers and said "How Beautiful"!

We love you Moma!

Joe's Growth Chart

A special little boy had his 1st Birthday this week.  They just don't stay little long enough!  My gift to him was a Growth Chart....his room is filled with the Fireman theme so that's where the idea started.  This is what I came up with.....my version of a growth chart!

The collage shows the process from drawing my idea on poster paper to transferring the pattern to the beige denim I  used.  When I started painting it was little scary at first but you just have to go for it!  I started with the blue along the right edge.  I taped the entire side about 11/2 inches from the edge of the fabric with painters tape.  The tape helped give me a straight edge.  I then started on the dog and then the fire hydrant.  The hose came next and then came the water...!!!  I didn't know exactly what I wanted but the more I painted the bigger the water got, I added big drops and decided they needed to be falling to the bottom to give the middle of the chart some interest.  I decided to paint JOE coming from the water ...that's some wild water!

After letting the paint dry overnight I used a black permanent pen to outline everything, even the blue along the edge.  I didn't put the numbers on just yet, I waited until I sewed the back to the front and turned it.  I put 3 loops of ribbon at the top before attaching the front to the back.  I put the painted wooden dowel with wood beads on the ends through the ribbon loops and attached ribbon to the ends of the dowel.

Once the chart was turned and pressed I then took a measuring tape and marked 6 inches from the bottom and started my measurements up to the top, marking every inch and numbers on each foot mark.
I also punched tags from card stock with string attached so Joe's mom and dad could record the date, height & age and attach it to the chart with a safety pin.  I know he will love seeing how big he grows each time they record it....!

JOE...JUST DON'T GROW UP TOO FAST....!